The scale of revision.
I’ve been going through exams recently, I thought I would do this blog to give a bit of light humour to the time we all dread.
Here’s to my first blog post. Enjoy.
1- “I need to start revision”
This stage involves no worries, more of a passing thought in your mind. You think “I could do revision, but I don’t want to and I don’t really need to yet”. You basically tell yourself you have plenty of time, and more often than not you don’t.
2- “Okay, I really need to start my revision”
You’re getting a little bit nervous now, you look at the time, 3 o’clock, and you think “the day’s gone now anyway… I’ll start tomorrow”. You put a DVD on or see your friends and think “it’s okay, I can chill now because I’m starting revision tomorrow”.
A note to all: this phase is a false sense of security unless you actually sit down and do work the next day.
3- “I really really need to do some work now”
Tomorrow comes. You open your book/folder/computer. You have every intention of doing your revision. Everything’s set out, you have your coloured pens, highlighters, every colour of card possible and sticky notes (basic revision kit).
Then you look at your first page of notes and think “Where the hell do I start?”
4- “How do I revise?”
The age old question. You sit and kid yourself you’re doing revision by making a list of topics you need to revise. Maybe using the different coloured pens and the card you should be using for your actual revision to make it look “Pretty”.
You think you’re doing something productive, what you’re really doing is stopping yourself from revising (procrastinating… there’s a word none of us need to revise).
5- “Better check Facebook”
You take a ‘well deserved’ break. Make yourself a cuppa, maybe listen to some music, chill out, and open your Facebook news feed.
Refresh, refresh, refresh. You refresh your home page on Facebook religiously thinking something drastic has changed in the last 30 seconds since you last checked.
By the time you do this, have a shower, brush your hair, have another tea break, chat to your best friend on Facebook chat about how boring revision is and raid the fridge. Your day has gone again.
6- “Where did the day go??”
The day has gone, the number of days you have to revise is decreasing. You comfort yourself and say “If I get up earlier tomorrow I’ll work through the whole day.”
You set your alarm for 7:30 in the morning and at that moment you are so confident you’ll have a productive day tomorrow. At that second you think you actually have every intention of getting up and doing work in the morning… how naive you are.
7- “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP”
7:30 am. Next Day. You snooze your alarm. Who were you kidding thinking you were going to get up early? You’re a student, you’re lucky if you get up before 9.
You look at your clock… 11:30. DAMN IT. You think: “I was going to be productive today”.
You get out of bed and walk to your desk, look at your revision and as luck would have it, this is the day the sun has decided to show its face. You are now a loner, locked in your room, reading inside on the sunniest day of the year.
In the end you decide to have the day off out of fear you’ll miss the only nice day in England ever.
8- “hey, you want to go out?”
Peer pressure, all your friends are going out for ice cream, or a coffee or a night out etc. You say “I can’t I have to revise”. They say “aww come on, we won’t be out for long”. You go (you probably didn’t take much persuading).
7 hours later you come in. Today was yet another write off.
9- “Omg, my exam’s in two days”
You ring up one of your friends, hoping they’ll be as hopeless as you and not started to revise yet. The nerves are beginning to set it, but you fight it, you still have 48 hours.
10- “Hey how much revision have you done?”
Possibly the worst question you can ask anyone at this point. This can result in two answers, one leaves you with a sinking feeling in your stomach and a sense of hatred. The other makes you more calm and gives you a sense of hope.
Number one – “Oh I’ve done a lot, I’m really struggling with it, it’s taken me days” (Show off) this answer makes you want to die. You think “Omg. Not only have I done no revision, but you’re saying the revision is hard, not a hope in hell am I going to pass.”
Number two- “I haven’t started yet to be honest”. If this is true (which it probably isn’t, people like to pretend they’re too cool for revision), you gain a sense of hope, you are not alone. You can do this.
11- “Okay, this is it, revision time”
You spend your day making revision cards or writing notes on everything because you literally still have no idea how to revise. You leave the day again feeling like you know nothing, but hey. At least you’ve been productive, right?
The next day you forget everything you’ve done. Another day wasted.
12- “It’s tomorrow”
This day is spent cramming every aspect of everything you’ve learnt over the year.
Pages of notes + revision cards + books + 20 different topics = one day of revision = I’m going to fail.
Your room looks like it’s been attacked by an angry librarian. Your exam still doesn’t seem real, you still think you have time. You don’t, and you secretly know it too.
Meltdown. You’ve finally cracked. It gets to 7/8 pm and you realise your exam is at 9am the next day, you start to have a mental breakdown, you stare at your mountain of ‘revision’ like your staring into space hoping that anything will go in.
At 2am in the morning you decide to call it a night. Pointless. No one ever has a goodnight sleep before an exam.
14- “If I don’t know it now, I’ll never know it”
Exam Day. It’s actually arrived. The day you thought and hoped would never come is finally here. Where did the weeks go?
After a sleepless night you go into your exam resembling a depressed zombie, hearing people recite information you’ve never heard before. Time to go in. It’s too late. Nothing can save you now.
15- You come out of the exam. And utter the words “I should have revised more.”
But we all know this never happens.